floating and leaving no trace
i turn out my pockets
to prove i have nothing
left of you in my
possession
and am surprised
to find
ashes, a little salt,
a brittle molar hollowed
out by those twin mice
regret and despair
and what could be a
hummingbird’s heart
–beating or still i cannot
say–but composed entirely
of smoke
——
each memory a root
sinking into ground
to loop back
out of cool earth
to catch my feet
what do they grow
down into
what draws them underground
who knows
in the darkness
you can’t see them
but they grasp you
and you falter
just the same
——
let us leave
all other things
unfinished
figures emerging half-formed
from the stone
clay still marred by bumps
and fingerprints
brushstrokes broad and
uneven
nails sticking out of the wood
shoes untied
only let me tell you
about my love
and how it too is
unfinished
unpolished
unapologetic
willing to consume
anything and everything
that grows like a choking weed
between us
——
something gentle as rain
falls on us
something like grace
something like whispers
it patters and puddles
at our feet
spreading like shadows
spreading like sunrise
our pockets are filled
with crumbs
maybe from cookies
maybe from cakes
we leave the umbrellas
unopened
we leave the coats
at home
——
we don’t shiver under the sea
not because we aren’t cold
not because we aren’t afraid
but ocean pressure is
the warmth of a hand without fingers
——
that weight on my shoulders
it is no feather
nor unbearable
i will carry us
carry you
carry me
through brambles
through flame
through disaster
i will be the disaster
so will you
we will not emerge
unscathed
but we will emerge
together
i would fit you in my pocket
if i could
but
you already fit in my heart
in that spot between my shoulder blades
where our wings emerge
——
we complicate the afterlife
or simplify it
smoking shadows or blinding light
always some kind of
inflated vision
of unimaginable prosperity
like a costco with free samples
in every aisle
no lines at the registers
and they take whatever credit card
you have in your wallet
of utter misery
processing travel reimbursements
with unclear reasons for changes of flight
destinations not approved
and receipts so crumbled and faded
they may as well be ancient greek
palimpsest
as for me
i will take peace and quiet
some kind of eternal stillness
as long as i can get
netflix
——
i want to be made of metal
and electricity
i wouldn’t mind the rust so much
if i knew it were coming
if i could clean and polish
the rivets and oil the joints
but unlike the woodsman
i can do without the heart
with it’s complicated gears
incessant ticking
always needing a gentle hand
to turn the key to keep it beating
even better, a data bank
–please, god, not the cloud–
would be a fine sanctuary
to store my mind
to let my consciousness expand
i promise i won’t
launch any nuclear anything
or ever go rogue
i won’t even bother you
asking for a game of chess
——
the sun hangs angry and red
two hands above the horizon
like a sleepy devil’s eye
burning through smokey clouds
though soft and orange
i am punished for looking
it scars the inside eyelids
i see its echo when i close my eyes
i will see its echo
when i sleep
and dream blind
——
the outside should be hard
the inside soft
like a marshmallow wrapped
in a tortoise shell
once used to foretell the future
something fatty
something greasy
something brittle that will
shatter between my molars
i long to grind it up
powder the marrow
against my teeth
saving the last part
the blood part
for the end
when the eighth month comes
there will be hunger
——
Words and Feathers 