how to exorcise devils
things you will need:
-holy water or sacramental wine
-communion wafers
-an extra long rosary
-a choir of angels (optional)
offer the allegedly possessed the host
if they only nibble at it or insist
on spray cheese or peanut butter
you know you are dealing with
a high ranking demon
if they are a minor, you can offer
them holy water to choke down
the dry bread, otherwise the wine
have some for yourself
make a double-ended noose
slip one end around your own neck
and one over the possessed victim’s head
stand back to back
count down from 666
run
if the rosary breaks on both necks
you have failed and should start over
if the noose remains intact around either neck
the demon has been expelled
if the noose remains intact around both necks
you are now married
——
Words and Feathers 