i offered an open door
and like the vampire you are
you came in and starting
drinking everything in sight
i’ve learned from all
those hammer horror movies
that there’s no easy way
to rescind an invitation
my best bet is to stock
the fridge with curated holy water
and spread garlic aioli on everything
like a pretentious asshole
while you’re busy avoiding
mirrors
i’ll be sharpening my stakes
and looking for a mallet
Words and Feathers 
This is classic Charles Payne! I love the way you reveal the true essence of people/things through the vehicle of hyperbolic fantasy. “Garlic aioli spreader” smacks of “pretentious asshole” in the most fundamental sense possible. Lol!
Right? And I love garlic aioli!
Haha! I should’ve seen that coming… Your self-awareness is a hugely mitigating factor, my friend!
🙂 I can just see you spreading the aioli. I hope she likes it.
Vampires are very disapproving creatures.
Oh I love this, The aioli!!! Awesome poem.
Ha ha ha! Thanks!