let us go then you and i
nought left for us here but a sky
devoid of stars and divine intervention
the sounds we hear
voices far and near
bind our skins like a suture
ghosts from an hour yet future
you will have my tongue peeled
and i will follow you, well-heeled
through alleys of denied ascension
while evening falls
we hear the calls
of prayers to a moon
gone forever too soon
later we retire to our room
a sweet-scented, well-appointed tomb
we will carve each other in amber suspension
toiling the night
and at our height
delighting in the flesh we flay
as there will be no break of day
——
Words and Feathers 
This is something else!!! Open mic! Open mic!!! I’ve just read the original and I like that too!
Thank you! I was thinking about this one for open mic. I heard a recording of Eliot reading the original when I was in college. A million years ago. His voice was haunting and I think that informed the composition of mine even more than the first line.
You could read it through a Darth Vader voice change helmet if you want haunting? I think you’d do a fine job. It’s a brilliant poem and there are so many lines I just love.
Very striking, I loved it, and I loved that you honored Mr. Eliot’s vibe. These were my favourite parts:”bind our skins like a suture
ghosts from an hour yet future” and “later we retire to our room
a sweet-scented, well-appointed tomb”, just amazing and memorable, vivid rhyme.
Thank you so much for your kind words.