NaPoWriMo Day 12

i am driving when the absurdity
of everything hits me
an existential moment of

i and every other driver
hurtle down the freeway in
explosive metal coffins
to jobs we we don’t want
to do every day
the ideas of
all of it squeezes down on my chest
like a fist squeezing out the last
pea-sized drop of toothpaste
from a wrinkled tube

of course
i try to be a good buddhist
detach myself just enough to
recognize the feeling
acknowledge it
watch it pass like a leaf on the wind

it helps
it does
the squeezing goes away but it’s replaced with
a hollowness in the chest as if someone
has shoveled out
my heart
my lungs
my stomach

i’m not much of a buddhist
the tension goes away
the hollowness keeps me company

those are the two human choices
unless you’re really good at balancing
and i’m not

and seriously
why is she putting on eyeliner while she’s driving that fast

did any of us have the imagination
to see ourselves older
in these circumstances
and it’s the circumstances that matter
they’re the nitty gritty
all those kid daydreams about the future
were just looking at a map where you can see
the red and blue arteries pumping out blood
but so zoomed out
so zoomed out
you forget about the smell of the hot asphalt
and car exhaust

some of are trying to fly here
some of us are lucky
because we weigh less
due to local variations in gravity

6 thoughts on “NaPoWriMo Day 12”

  1. *Om mani padme hum…*

    Or, as Ace Ventura, Pet Detective would chant, *Alrighty, then…*

    I’m not a very good Buddhist, either, and I agree, everything *is* absurd. But every now and then, something like poetry does help a little.

  2. Wow, this hits a nerve, Crow. I’ve been feeling very similar lately, though it feels like forever…

    “did any of us have the imagination
    to see ourselves older
    in these circumstances
    and it’s the circumstances that matter”…?

    I think I had the imagination, but lacked the courage to see it all in advance. How else could I have continued? Lol!

  3. Yes! Every day I struggle with this. The only relief I’ve found is to walk away into the woods for a few days and just BE. (If I could do that full-time, I think I would.)

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