metamorphosis (20161203)

i woke up with elephant
tusks protruding
curving down under my lip
i tore holes in the sheets during the night
impaled my pillow
fell twice after getting out of bed
until i found my new balance

i used a whole tube of toothpaste
brushing them
–they’re teeth aren’t they–
flossing took an hour
and i had to put the seat
all the way back in the car
to drive to work

no one else i met with
had grown overnight tusks
a girl in accounting
had sprouted a unicorn horn
and i commented
that would have been so much
more convenient
except for my hats
she said she sleeps on her stomach
and she woke up stuck to
her headboard
and her husband had to pull her free
by yanking her ankles
they were still bruised
i agreed that must have sucked

i might take up scrimshaw
i mean
it’s my ivory