Poem 20160203b

Posted on February 3, 2016February 3, 2016 by crow

under the tree, the shadows crawl
but not a single bird will fly
above the leaves nor near the wall.
under the tree the shadows crawl
and in the house within the hall
a cat naps, but she’d rather lie
under the tree. the shadows crawl
but not a single bird will fly.

—–

Jane Dougherty Writes Poetry Challenge: Triolet

Published by crow

I'm a writer and a dabbler. I live in Washington. View all posts by crow

9 thoughts on “Poem 20160203b”

Jane Dougherty February 4, 201612:33 am

Seems to me you succeeded in getting the form right, the twist in the tail, and getting the whole thing to make sense! The use of the word ‘creep’ in conjunction with ‘shadows’, and the idea that ‘not a single bird will fly’ give it a satisfyingly sinister tone.
1. crow February 4, 20166:08 am
  
  Thank you!
Poet Rummager February 5, 20163:09 am

Love how the shadows crawl!
1. crow February 5, 20166:07 am
  
  Thanks!
Sabiscuit February 5, 20161:21 pm

I could totally dance to this great rap. Nice work.
1. crow February 5, 20161:36 pm
  
  Thank you. I wasn’t too sure about the rhythm but I’m glad you found a danceable beat.
  1. Sabiscuit February 5, 20162:13 pm
    
    The rhythm was there. I totally got hooked with the hanging -all. It dropped off with a nice groove. Brilliant. It’s rare for me to “hear” a poet’s song but you did it; kicked butt. xo
  2. crow February 6, 201610:57 am
    
    Thank you so much. I’m so happy you enjoyed it.
Poetry challenge Triolet: the entries – Jane Dougherty Writes February 9, 20161:18 am

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9 thoughts on “Poem 20160203b”