under the tree, the shadows crawl
but not a single bird will fly
above the leaves nor near the wall.
under the tree the shadows crawl
and in the house within the hall
a cat naps, but she’d rather lie
under the tree. the shadows crawl
but not a single bird will fly.
9 thoughts on “Poem 20160203b”
Seems to me you succeeded in getting the form right, the twist in the tail, and getting the whole thing to make sense! The use of the word ‘creep’ in conjunction with ‘shadows’, and the idea that ‘not a single bird will fly’ give it a satisfyingly sinister tone.
Love how the shadows crawl!
I could totally dance to this great rap. Nice work.
Thank you. I wasn’t too sure about the rhythm but I’m glad you found a danceable beat.
The rhythm was there. I totally got hooked with the hanging -all. It dropped off with a nice groove. Brilliant. It’s rare for me to “hear” a poet’s song but you did it; kicked butt. xo
Thank you so much. I’m so happy you enjoyed it.
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